pieces of a puzzle

when was it that I promised:
you wouldn't see me cry,
you wouldn't see me laugh
nor feel anything,
you would no longer have me around;
I wouldn't be yours -
wouldn't be anyone's

and I was gone.

when did I tell to myself
that it was all a dream;
you never hurt me so,
I never was broken -
I never needed you to be there for me -
never needed anyone close to me

and I closed my heart.

when did I decide
that you don't have a right
to be loved or to love anyone,
to honor or to be honored,
to scare or to be afraid,
angry or disappointed -
to be imperfect -
that you don't deserve to be loved by me.

and bitterness was built
and carried, and held

and I said goodbye for good
for me to be in your life - for you to be in mine.

and in my eyes I only was a victim and you - everything bad there can be.
(nothing you deserved to be)