pieces of a puzzle

when was it that I promised:
you wouldn't see me cry,
you wouldn't see me laugh
nor feel anything,
you would no longer have me around;
I wouldn't be yours -
wouldn't be anyone's

and I was gone.

when did I tell to myself
that it was all a dream;
you never hurt me so,
I never was broken -
I never needed you to be there for me -
never needed anyone close to me

and I closed my heart.

when did I decide
that you don't have a right
to be loved or to love anyone,
to honor or to be honored,
to scare or to be afraid,
angry or disappointed -
to be imperfect -
that you don't deserve to be loved by me.

and bitterness was built
and carried, and held

and I said goodbye for good
for me to be in your life - for you to be in mine.

and in my eyes I only was a victim and you - everything bad there can be.
(nothing you deserved to be)

closing up

like eyes had been opened after years
like the veil had been moved finally
and i see things as they are
you as you have been - always 

like the scar from your heart had been opened again
like the exhausted mind that lets you be tired at last
and you don't have to be that strong any more
and you can just sit back and cry

and everything that you've wanted, everything you've wished for
crash, all at once, as you think
but it's always been there, as you really know -
when you think it a little more closely
 
now it only leaves an open door
to your feelings to be shown
or to be crashed again -
and the close-up will be open

I want you to know

putting myself against the wall
and you want to know every answer.
I don't wanna run away,
whatever the reason
and I'm still not familiar with myself;
everything makes walls come closer and closer:
the scenes rounding beside my eyes
and I try to keep myself together,
cause you are worth it.
I try to catch my breath,
tell the answer that I barely know myself,
and I want you to know
that besides every confusion
I do care, and that you are
worth of every try.