Everything I wished for

I kept my dream on my fist,
inside like my heart; guarded and kept safe.
You wouldn't break it again;
I wouldn't let you.

Every time I fought for it
I never loosened my grip from it
cause my dream was everything I had,
everything I wished for.
I wouldn't let you take it away from me,
I couldn't bare it alone.

Each moment held,
every word kept,
close, or far away.
Every deed done,
emotion felt
that you never wanted to know about.

I shouted too long
but you didn't hear.
I dag myself a grave,
cut myself wounds
that never wanted to heal,
never scarred to give me peace.

I remember the moment
when I finally woke up
or maybe I fell asleep;
as the dream, it was just a dream,
a silly one I made for
to protect my heart,
to be loved

but was I ever..

you remember, what is more remarkable to you,
as the dust that is let fallen on you
making you dirty and useless,
making you invisible, vulnerable

as the smile that tells that you're mine,
you are my property
a hug that tells you;
you're not going anywhere

every way of letting you know
that you're not worth it,
that every moment you graved for love,
graved for understanding;
just a slight moment when you would have been given: compassion, affection,
but you only got cold words and lies

every moment, that goes on in you,
every touch still on your skin,
every word shouting in your head
(that you've never been anything!)
every scar leaving marks and every blame stayed underneath,
every moment, in your memories..

and what is left for you
isn't the sweetly sounding words -
those ones that covered the lies -
but what it really was, underneath;
all, that wasn't cared to remember any more - by him

you don't remember the beauty,
those moments that there were,
making your life worth living,
how he made you smile,
since everything's just one big a lie
wrapped on his smile:
no truth hurts like a lie,
like a long-lasted betrayal,
getting worse and worse

you remember what is more remarkable to you;
no matter what there was or will be
it stays in you when you walk forward
and it goes in you on and on